Instead of Airing Dirty Laundry

As mentioned in the comments on this post, our new Berkeley apartment does not come equipped with a washer and dryer. We were given the option of purchasing machines and having them installed in the kitchen/dining room, but I stuck up my nose and took the aesthetic high road.

Turns out that road is pretty long, because the nearest coin-op facility is a nine-block hike.

Aha.

Well, if I'm going to be trudging across town carrying 20 pounds of dirty clothes, I am going to do it with as much style as the situation allows. Actually, if I got one of these, I'd be looking pretty damn cute.

The White Devil Bag from India Rose- "Neapolitan" is my pick!

(Ann, thank you ever-so-much for this source.)

Please? I promise if I get one I will never be tempted by the full-service laundromat down the street that delivers and only costs a small fortune per load...

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

Heat rises.

You learn this in grade school science, but it has very little import in your life until you're living in the upper floor apartment of an old house. Adam and I gloat about this phenomenon when we're walking around in shorts in the winter, but we pay for it in the summer when our brains are melting. Matilda drapes herself across the furniture and grumbles about how miserable she is; we crossly remind her that we would have opened the windows if it weren't for her recent rooftop escapade. We become sluggish and sullen, we spend stupid amounts of money on iced beverages and tickets to mediocre (but air-conditioned) movies, we suffer a three month lapse in productivity.

Well almost. Matilda and I cleaned off my desk this weekend, and made room for my handsome new lamp, Wilton.

I can't even believe I was lucky enough to snag one of these from Crate & Barrel Outlet!

Knocking a wist off the list? Now, that's what I call productivity.

This week might be a quiet one for Shock the Bourgeois- when not in a heat-induced stupor I'll be wrapping up the party planning for our company picnic this Saturday (yarrrr!). Never fear though- tomorrow I leave you in Adam's capable hands. Remember: we're still looking for a humorous name for his contributions!

Junk on a Trunk

I recently received an email from my darling friend Kalin with the subject line "helpppp." With that many "p"s I knew we were dealing with a serious problem- like whether leggings are fashionable or just ironic (both, clearly), or if it is acceptable to bring Miller High Life to a wine and cheese soiree (hellooo, it's the champagne of beers...).

Sure enough, we have ourselves a conundrum. Says Kalin,

Ok, you gotta help me here.
We got an old trunk... and it's needing to be cleaned up and whatnot. Here's the problem: it's metal and wood, and has some weird rust going on...

So i'm thinking scrub it, but i think maybe it needs some paint. I'm guessing the color is just going to be weird and uneven in a not pretty way. If i paint it what color would be good (also, what paint adheres well to metal)? I'm thinking leave the wood...well, you know, clean it off, stain it if it doesn't look so pretty.

I don't know. You should help. I'm sending pictures. Please????

And she did indeed send pictures...

Oooh, is that potential I see?

...under layers of weird rust?

I'm going to go ahead and assume that Kalin got this brilliant idea from yours truly... but I suppose it's possible that she was inspired by old-fashioned trunks popping up on AT or in our favorite retail stores, like Pottery Barn:

The oh-so spiffy Voyager Trunk, which will set you back $799.00.

Kalin, here's my advice: This a trunk with great vintage appeal, but unless you're hankering for a Tetanus shot... you're going to have to get cleaning. Your trunk won't ever be pristine again, but you can certainly make an improvement!

Visit the hardware store and pick up a wire bristle brush, several small and angled paintbrushes, rust converter (or, at the very least, a rust remover), a quart of oil-based paint in the color of your choosing, and some blue painter's tape.

No matter which route you go, you'll be working with some really reeky chemicals. So, my dear, if you don't want to murder those honors level brain cells, I suggest taking this project outside. Start by brushing off as much of the flaky rust as possible, and wiping down the entire surface with damp cloth. Make sure that you dry the surface thoroughly before you move on to the next step.

Tape off all of the wood, trim, and hardware and treat the panels first. If you decide to use rust converter, you'll want to follow these instructions. Rust converter acts as a primer, and will give you a better protected finish in the long run. If you use a rust remover, follow the instructions on the bottle. Either way, your finished surface will not be perfect. You'll have some pitting that might make it a little difficult to paint over.

I suggest picking a paint color that is dark and NOT glossy. A glossy finish is just going to draw attention to all the little bumps and imperfections. Paint in very thin layers to avoid drips and puddles- a dead giveaway of a DIY paint job.

When your paint is dry, you can turn your attention to the trim and hardware. I'd say... don't do much. Touch it up a bit with rust remover, call it good, call it "patina."

Improving the look of the wood should be the easy part. I'd just sand it all down lightly (especially if it's splintering at all), and give it a quick rub with some brown wax. This should preserve the distressed look while evening out the color.

When you're all finished, you'll want to endeavor to preserve the results of your hard work- prevent rust in the future! If you're using this as a coffee table, pick out a cute tray, or at least a set of coasters. You might also consider putting a protective mat of some sort underneath it. Spills happen, and, (I speak from unfortunate experience here) rust stains are impossible to remove from carpet... without scissors. Heh.

Hope that helps, Kalin! Can't wait to see it when I come visit you in Portland!!

SPRING CLEANING Day Four: Sweeping Up the Paper Trail

I'm in no mood for more cleaning today.  Tonight when I get home, I want to sit down (for once), sip a hot latte, and enjoy a re-run of Charmed (please... don't tell anyone).

Thank goodness I'm good at multi-tasking... and thank goodness round four of SPRING CLEANING '09 doesn't require that I get off my rear.  Today I'm going address information overload.  

You'll need:

- To sit yourself down at your desk

- Materials for filing (folders, labels, a pen)

- A guilty pleasure tv show or two

- A paper shredder, scissors, or the ability to do this

- A wastebasket

Step One: Get comfortable.  Make sure the remote is in reach.

Step Two: Review and purge the following...

- Financial records.  Now that you're done with your taxes you can file last year's records.  Paperwork over a few years old can be shredded up and recycled.

- The inevitable build-up of magazines & catalogues.  Clip and recycle, or shelve them neatly.

- Instruction manuals.  No point in keeping manuals for a CD player I got rid of two years ago...

- While you're digging through your drawers, test your pens and markers.  Toss those that don't perform.

- Your computer desktop & folders.  If you can't see your desktop image anymore, it's time to label or tag images and put everything into folders.  Delete old files to clear up some HD space.

Ahh, that's much better.

Step Three: Devote your full attention to the telly.

And with that... the "cleaning" portion of our Spring Cleaning is over.  Almost anticlimactic, isn't it?  What's left to do?  Well jeez, did you think that the DONATE and SELL boxes were going to become a permanent fixture?  

SPRING CLEANING Day Three: Kitchen & Bathroom

Most kitchen and bath accessories are not sell or donate material, so most of the work today will be scrapping and scrubbing, and I'm not especially fond of the latter.  Ideally I'll take a more "administrative" role on this task.  I'm happy to make a list of my grievances... and I'm happy to let Adam know when he's missed a spot.  I have no shame.

Tonight you'll need:

- Cleaning supplies

- Your SELL & DONATE boxes (or new ones if you filled them up yesterday!)

- A willing partner

Step One: Tell your boyfriend to clean.  At least a once-over.

Extra Credit: 

- Bleach grout.

- Launder shower curtains.

- Clean shower head to remove mineral deposits.

- Wipe down walls & ceilings (removing potential mold & mildew in the bathroom, grease in the kitchen).

- Clean behind the fridge.

- Run self-cleaning oven, or use oven cleaner.

- Scrub under burners.

- New box of baking soda in refrigerator.

Step Two: PURGE.  Here are a few items to review carefully:

- Old towels.  If they're old and scratchy, use them to wash your car instead of your body.

- Cosmetics.  They expire!  If it has sparkles or smells like bubblegum, chances are you've had it too long.

- Medications.  These expire also!

- Utensils.  Especially melted spatulas.  (oops.)

- Chipped or non-matching dishes.

- Stained tupperware.

- Spices.  Yep, these expire too.

- The entire contents of your fridge & freezer.  Toss, toss, toss!

- Your pantry.  DONATE non-perishables that you don't think you'll use soon.

- Tacky plastic cups and water bottles.  DONATE!

- Novelty appliances.  When did you last use your electric can-opener?  Magic Bullet?  This thing?  Put em' in the SELL box!

Step Three: Make yourself a treat in your newly neat kitchen, take a bubble bath in your sparkling bathroom. You've survived another night!

I did SO well in my editing that I made room for something new...

Eeeeeee!

SPRING CLEANING Day Two: Living Spaces

Today's a big day, because I'm tackling the bulk of my apartment: the living spaces and bedroom.  

If you'd like to follow along, you'll need:

- A notebook & writing utensil

- A digital camera (optional)

- Your "DONATE" and "SELL" boxes

- A vacuum cleaner

- A dust cloth

- Fierce determination

Step One: Vacuum, dust & straighten up.  I know, I know, I said this wasn't about cleaning.  Since these are weekly chores anyway, why not combine them into this task?  Plus, it's nearly impossible to tell what's "extra" until everything is in its right place.  In the process you may realize that you're always irritated about cleaning a particular item, that you simply don't have enough space to vacuum, or that you have no idea where something "goes."  All of these annoyances are strong indicators that you're dealing with too much stuff!

  

Whistle while you work... or wet your whistle while you work?

Extra Credit: 

- Launder curtains (better yet, switch to light weight fabrics for Spring)

- Check the batteries in your smoke detector (safety first)

- Wash windows

- Shake out rugs

- Vacuum couch cushions (find some $$ ?)

- Wash walls and trim

- Clean leaves on houseplants

- Store winter linens

- Move winter clothes, coats, and accessories to the back of the closet (though that could be wishful thinking)

Step Two: If you've got a digital camera, take pictures.  If you don't have a digital camera, focus and take really careful mental snapshots?  Be sure to capture the following:

- The view into each room from every entry

- Every closet

- The view from your bed (the first things you see when you wake up, the last you see when you go to sleep)

- Panoramic shots- stand in the center of the room and make a full turn, taking pictures.

Step Three: TAKE A BREAK.  If you can, leave the house- take a walk, get some fresh air, clear your mind.  Bring your camera (or, uh... your brain) with you.

Step Four: Find a peaceful spot (the park, your favorite coffee house, any place that is not your house), take a deep breath, and review the images of your freshly cleaned rooms.  Now that you've removed yourself from the situation, it's easier to analyze potential problems unemotionally.  Imagine that your rooms are a House Tour on AT- be honest, do they work?  Actually, scratch that.  Be coldly judgmental and snarky.  Pick at the tiniest detail.  Have no mercy.

Step Five: Race back home while your resolution is still strong, and toss all of the offending items into the appropriate receptacles.  Purge your sock drawer (do not try to sell these).  Permanently retire your high school wardrobe.  Cut up old freebie tees and reuse them as rags.  Bid farewell to kitschy gifts and college relics.  Dismiss the surplus table that isn't doing the job.  Break-up with your blah buffet (but don't "toss" this one).  Get your boyfriend into the spirit of giving by putting his Scarface and Bob Marley posters on the pile (fine, ask him first).  DONATE! DONATE! DONATE! SELL! SELL! SELL!

Step Six: Whew.  Get some rest and recover your strength... you'll need it for taking on the kitchen and bathroom tomorrow.

PS: Has anyone read the AT Cure book?  I intended to read along with the Spring Cure, but simply haven't had the energy to devote to such an extensive project.  I am, however, still curious to see if Maxwell's methods overlap with mine...