New on the Menu...

Hi there. I'm Adam, and I have a problem with blogging.

The problem is that I've never done it before and, because of this fact, I have pretended until now that blogging is the realm of pale, unhealthy young adults with very technical educations and poor social skills. As time passes, I realize that this is exactly the kind of person I am, and since I constantly walk the path of least resistance, I now will blog. Besides, I love to talk about myself and I love to talk about food. This is exactly what Shock the Bourgeois wants from me and so... here we go.

Let's get one thing straight right away: despite what S the B may say online or in person, I am NOT a Chef. Chef is spelled with a capital C, it's a title. A Chef is someone who has formal training, pajama pants, and the know-how to butcher a large four legged mammal. I have none of these things, so I call myself a cook.

I learned to cook in a restaurant- an upscale restaurant with a small kitchen, a small staff, a large food budget, and a reputation for bold presentation of generous portions of expensive seafood. There are a few interesting things about learning to cook in a professional kitchen. First, it doesn't matter if you make a mess. Second, it doesn't matter how many utensils, mixing bowls and kitchen appliances you get dirty (the guy washing dishes will notice, but dishwashers are kind of like the untouchables of our society, plus I'm a huge guy with a knife). Lastly, you learn one task at a time, and learn to perform it for 150+ people a night. You learn how long it takes to cut melon slices for 50, how to make mashed potatoes for 100, how to plate 35 dishes at once and keep the food hot. You learn how to do all of the above plus fix one chicken alfredo (not on the menu) and something for a little kid who only eats fresh berries and goldfish crackers (consequently, you learn to hate rich spoiled childeren, vegans, and the gluten free crowd). Above all else you learn how to do things faster, how to fix mistakes, how to improvise... and how to cheat.

One evening I was sitting with Shock the Bourgeois enjoying some nice dorns of flank steak with pureed carrots and roasted red potatoes when I turned to her and said: "Shock the Bourgeois, I think we could write a book on how to fix cooking mistakes and expand the capabilities of a small apartment kitchen." She agreed, suggested I use her website to blog, and asked me to use her given name when speaking out loud amongst ourselves. I don't know how good of a teacher I will be- more often than not I will be pointing out all the things I did wrong, and how I minimized the damage (or how I SHOULD have sidestepped trouble). My style is simply to try new things and use my skills and experience to avoid disaster in the kitchen. My goal is to enjoy myself, keep all my fingers, and enjoy my food as much as possible.

I'll start with that flank steak next time.

Editor's Note: That flank steak really was delicious... and Chef Adam (c'mon "Cook Adam" just sounds wrong) will be back on Thursday with a how-to. Hope this has whetted your appetite!